Saturday, 30 August 2014

Advertising and "bait and switch"

With improvements in technology and the Prostitution Reform Act and ladies becoming independent and doing their own marketing, the sex industry has come so far.  You can more or less expect to get what you see in the photographs with independent escorts, although some complain of dishonest or overly-flattering photos or photos which were taken when the lady was several years younger and several pounds lighter.  It is so much nicer for men - they really are spoilt for choice and as far as I know there are no waiting rooms anywhere (like some places had back in the day) and they are highly unlikely to come across any other people, ladies or other clients, during their visit to a professional independent escort.

Independent ladies can write their own blurb and choose their own photos, revealing a bit of their personality and details about services on offer.  Rather than talking to a receptionist at an agency who will sell each lady, giving some more of a favourable spiel than others, callers can talk to the independent escort lady directly.  Gentlemen can pretty much get what they expect.

Bait and switch is a term used by clients who see images of a particular attractive woman in advertisements, usually at an escort agency or massage parlour, then when they turn up for the booking with the lady, they find there is another lady having been substituted.  If this lady is younger and hotter than the lady in the photographs, well, then there would never be a complaint, but as it is a lady that is usually older and less attractive, a few men then have their noses a little out of joint.  They feel they have been baited by the image, and then the lady has been switched.

Please note, that most agencies do not use the bait and switch process nowadays but some still do.  Back in the day, prior to the PRA, some used to as a matter of course, and I'll explain why soon.

Funnily enough, these agencies do not necessarily have an intention to deceive.  Well, no more than somewhere like McDonalds, which advertises pictures of delicious looking burgers, with all the items perfectly placed, cheese or sauce drizzled enticingly over some of the ingredients, and maybe even a faded swirly vertical line of steam, implying that your burger will be fresh, hot and totally delectable.  The reality is that the staff, in their hurry to meet targets of a certain number of burgers to be produced per hour, do not have time to perfectly drizzle the sauce, and instead it may be dribbled, over the sloppily thrown down burger which hangs over one side of the bun so that the other side is totally empty of filling, covered by wilted lettuce etc etc with a cracked bun on top and no steam, perhaps steam has converted the burger into a pile of sogginess (the previous steam has dampened the minutes-old bun).  The burger in the photo may be the ideal, but it is unlikely that the burger you are delivered is going to look like that every time.

The sophisticated honey in the escort advertisement may in reality be a pasty-skinned youngster with a bad dye job, or a mature "grandma" with a saggy tummy and stretchmarks on her down-facing boobies.  The sophisticated honey may be the ideal that the agency hopes to employ but on that particular day there is no one who comes close who is available to the gentleman who drops in.

So that's the ads.  What about their internet listings for particular ladies?  The photos show them to be so sweet. Cute poses with long legs and full breasts, sometimes a hand shyly placed over her tummy, or she demurely crosses her legs.  She may have pretty, long hair and you may catch a glimpse of pouty kissable lips.  The ads may even have been photoshopped a bit to make her look very va-va-voom indeed. Where was this young lovely when you fronted up for your booking?

The young lovely may or may not work there, or may have at one particular time and she represents the ideal that the agency would love to have there as she really gets the punters through the door.  They're all ringing up asking for her.  Or, if the young lovely really does work there, she may not be the sweet girl she is portrayed as - the agency has no control over how she behaves in the room, and if she is is not in the mood for working much, she may behave badly.  Despite all the praise and compliments she may receive from her clients, she may be grumpy and impatient with them if they take longer to finish than she would like, sending her clients home feeling like quite a piece of shit.  Or she may have been so popular and booked up that she grew to hate her job so no longer gave the warm, sweet service clients were hoping for.  The agency may even have had to let her go.

The reality is though, that if the young lovely in the ad really did work there, there would be an imbalance.  Everyone would be coming in to book the young lovely, and all the other ladies would be sitting around at the agency losing their working mojo and developing a sour attitude.  They all want a fair chance of making some money and if the young lovely is the only one that is busy, the young lovely will soon get burned out and become grumpy quickly, and the other ladies will be getting grumpy as well, for not making any money.  There may even be some office politics happening, where ladies are ganging up on the young lovely and it's all rather unpleasant.

When I worked at Tudor Court, there was a line-up system, and there was a particular lady, not especially attractive, she had a squarish shaped head and a heavy build, but she did this thing where she licked her lips and every time she lined up, no matter who else was on she would always be the one chosen.  While she was busy with clients, everyone else had a fair chance, but when she was in the line up doing her lip-licking thing, no one else had a look in.

So the agencies known for bait and switch, may believe that the fairest thing to do is to rotate the ladies.  If the young lovely really does work there and does even happen to be available, she will hide out the back so that one of the others can get some work, that way they all make roughly the same amount of money.  It's a bit of an old-fashioned idea.  Too bad about what the client wants, it was assumed he was happy with any live, breathing woman - insulting really.  Back in the day, when I was a ship girl, clients would really have to take who they were given and make the best of it.  They seemed happy enough.  They stuck with the ladies they had been seeing every time they had come into port for the last ten years because it would set the cat among the pigeons if they tried to switch.

As far as agencies prior to the internet, which has changed everything, they differentiated themselves with just a picture of some gorgeous model in a yellow pages and newspaper ads, and depending on the name of the agency and their ad, you'd expect to get a certain class of lady and pay a corresponding amount accordingly.  No one expected that the hot sexy lady in the ad actually worked there.  However, you could still ring and get a description or ask for a particular type of lady, a busty redhead or a petite brunette, or an athletic blonde and the nearest lady to your requirements would be waiting for you.

There were other places which would do the rotation system, where whoever was next up to be available would be, and no one offered GFE or anything special, but if you were lucky she was attractive and had a cool personality and a come hither quality that would draw you in and make sure you had a great time.  If it was a busy establishment, the girl would feel obliged to get you to come and out the door asap so she could go and look after the next guy in the queue, who, if they had a waiting room, would be waiting there nervously with the other guys, avoiding eye contact and hoping no one they knew would come in.  It was all a bit tacky really, that's why we ladies at places like the Penthouse thought we were all that, our dudes got to linger and mingle as if they were in a club (where all the women were gorgeous and they all wanted you) and therefore it felt more upmarket.

If bait and switch is a concern when visiting an agency, make sure you choose an agency that you can communicate your requirements to clearly.  Do they understand that you are wanting to book a specific lady as shown in the advertisement or listing?  If you get there and she is not the one in the ad, either ask to see the other ladies, or ask how long you will have to wait until that particular lady is free.  If necessary, have a print out of the advertisement.  However, if you are paying bottom dollar compared to independent escorts (less upmarket agencies tend to undercut independents by about $20 or more), you must expect that their business could be run on a rotation basis and it is not necessarily the fault of the lady that she does not meet your expectations.  If it is a concern, and you have a specific requirement rather than an easy-going, take-your-chances attitude, you'd be better off to pay a little bit more for an independent sex worker so that you can call the lady directly and clarify that all your important specifications are met before making the booking and parting with your hard-earned cash.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

In praise of quickies

I have to say, I'm not much of a time-keeper in the room.  I never schedule bookings back to back, it is very rare that there isn't enough time in between bookings for me to have myself and my boudoir looking just how I want it to be.  And when clients are with me, my attention is all on them and making sure they have the most enthralling time possible.  I also like us to wallow in each sensation as it occurs, and wallowing takes time.

So I never thought I would ever do a quickie (which is a short, usually 20 minute long booking) as I just could not see how we could fit everything in.

Then once I was on tour, and a young man called me and persisted with his request for a quickie.  My intuition told me that being a young dude, it was probably a struggle to come up with the extra $40 for the extra 10 minutes to have a 30 minute booking.  So my heart went out to him and I asked myself, why not?

I have to say, it was fun!  Remember when you were young, back in the day when sex outside of marriage was forbidden, and if you were doing it, you maybe had to do it fast because your parents were due home any minute?  Half the time you didn't even bother taking all your clothes off?  As soon as you touched, you would be groping each other, before long, dry-humping and there would be that enticing bulge going on which required immediate freeing upon being noticed.

Well, 20 minute quickies are almost like that.

Perhaps not as proper as an elegant hour-long booking or dinner date, but I think that quickies definitely do have a place.  I've seen them advertised as a "20 minute special for the busy man", and I think that has quite a nice ring to it.  You can imagine a horny man popping out for a dozen beer on a Saturday afternoon before the evening's rugby in front of the telly, and no one being any the wiser when he gets back in 40 mins looking relaxed and ready for the game; or a tradesman popping out to Mitre 10 or Bunnings to pick something up, or price something, and coming back having got exactly what was needed; or a salesman having some time to kill before a presentation or something and arriving on time for the meeting not looking at all wound up.  

Nobody can begrudge a man 20 minutes to have some fun, and it's such a short time that it can just be explained away by being held up in traffic, or in a queue at the shop, or whatever thought has come to mind.  Also it's such a little amount of money, some people spend as much at the casino, and it's gone in less time and with even less thrill.  

If allowed, life can also sidestep all its attendant mundanities and demonstrate its capacity to astonish; to remind you that you still have a capacity for the passionate.  The thing is, you have to permit yourself to embrace such potential wonderment. (Douglas Kennedy)

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Let it be known

I really love what I do.  I honestly feel that what I do helps mankind and is almost a spiritual service.  I don't mind if you laugh.  I'm not saying I'm holy, or godly - I realise I'm the polar opposite of a nun.  But I know that I've helped people through this line of work and I love the feeling of intimacy and closeness where it feels like a there is almost the power of a deity in such union.  As opposed to two people having a fuck, although that is obviously nice too.

I have met all kinds of men, including those who claim to be unconfident sexually, who have told me that they have a belief that due to repression, their natural sexual notions are no longer active.  Never underestimate the instincts of men though.  Men, who have humbly asked for a few pointers, when given some warm encouragement and a receptive environment, not to mention a willing, horny woman, have really come into their own.  That's why I know I'm doing the right thing for now and truly get job satisfaction, as it were, in more ways than one.

As much as I love this job though, I still have to keep myself safe.  This means emotionally, so if things are getting too heavy there, I'm afraid I will have to draw things to a close.  It also means I have to take care of my lady parts, for these are essentially tools of my trade.

So why would I mess this up for myself by risking getting a sexually transmitted disease?

Let it be known, that I, Amber O'Hara, do not, and would not ever, have sex with a client, including giving fellatio, without a condom.  So please don't text me and ask.

For some reason, I have had texts this week from idiots asking how much extra it costs to have unprotected sex.  Obviously their numbers have been immediately blocked and to save other ladies from inadvertently having to deal with these people I have done the right thing and shared the phone numbers of these morons with them.

To the texters, I would like to say: really, what are you thinking???  You are practically contenders for the Darwin award.  If a hooker ever offers or agrees to give you unprotected services, run far away.  Run especially fast if you happen to have another lover, ie a wife or partner, who you normally have unprotected sex with.  You might have some bad karma owing, but does your innocent partner unwittingly deserve some of the same?

To the other gentlemen who go about making bookings in the normal way, enquiring about services like mature people and never dreaming of unprotected sex with a sex worker, I hope to see you soon.  I'm sorry to have ruined this blog post by being a bit cranky, but to the lovely men who do not bat an eyelid when condoms are rolled over their penises with my lips, I acknowledge your very wise self-preservation tendencies.  And we all know intelligent men are sexy men - at least that's my not so humble opinion.

Saturday, 16 August 2014

Where to from here?

 Amber O'Hara not ready to turn her back on sex work ... yet

It's hard to believe that it's almost a year since I embarked again on the sex work journey with certain financial goals in mind. My very first blog post, my personal yet public record of the events related to becoming a sex worker, was entitled Where To From Here? Some of my clients who know what my particular financial situation was (nothing dire, just a nice type of freedom I was after) may be interested to know that I am almost there.  Yes!  Congratulations to me!

But it has got me thinking, besides "where to from here?" how different it is from the last time I gave up sex work several years ago. I was young, gorgeous, living the high life quite literally, as in, I drank too much and took too many drugs. I had no CV to speak of and was probably pretty much unemployable considering the hours I was used to keeping and the fact that I had the curious belief that young people today are accused of having: entry-level work was beneath me and I would never degrade myself by working for such a paltry sum. 

I needed lots of cash anyway as I seemed to have no control over my impulses, particularly my impulses related to spending money. I was used to getting money easily and lots of it and since sexwork was illegal, well, you really had to spend it.  And this is a downside with the sex work lifestyle - the bad habits that are formed coupled with the "you only live once" attitude. Yes, YOLO sounds great but it is utter bullshit. Life is long and there is life beyond sex work. 

It's funny, I loved sex work back in the day and it gave me a feeling of personal power. "Have work clothes, will travel". I met glamourous people and I thought the lifestyle was sustainable, that I could do it forever. Then I had that nasty experience at work that may sound minor but it really hit me for a six. It's not like I was that easily spooked, I'd learned to look after myself, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back and made me take a look at my life. 

I was one of a tightknit little group of four sex workers who were best friends. We were all pretty, from similar backgrounds, rich, and we found ourselves in the big city of Sydney and were grasping our supposed upward mobility with both hands. 

Then the oldest one of us, all of 24 years old, the one who took the most and baddest drugs, decided she'd had enough and took herself to rehab. We were all behind her but we also couldn't believe it. She had a shaky start but she did it. 

Her story is the most admirable actually, of any person I've ever met, what she has gone on to do with her life is incredible, but it's not my story to tell, other than to justify my admiration by telling you that she fessed up to a criminal charge which she had hanging over her head, went to jail, became university educated and is now living an amazing life truly making the world a better place. What courage. 

I was next to follow, shortly after my disquieting incident, I also went to two rehabs (where I sadly failed - a bit disastrously really) but got into a couple of twelve step programmes, and I'm happy to say that a couple of decades later I still have not, even during a bout of adversity, had any drinks or drugs on a "day at a time" reprieve from addiction. 

I had given up sex work and come down to earth with a thud back into the care of my ever-forgiving family. A job hunt of sorts began in ernest. I followed every step in a book called What Colour Is Your Parachute? and was lucky enough to find and eventually land my dream occupation. I also fell in love and became a mum. I grew up. 

So it was a calculated decision as a mature person to get back into sex work. I'm past giving a fuck about what I consider the stupid attitudes of those who look down on sex workers but still feel a responsibility to protect my treasured loved ones from them so I'm not so out as a sex worker and likely never will be.  If I ever get outed, c'est la vie, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, but I'm sure it won't be the end of the world. 

So where to from here? I'm not ready to hang up my lingerie yet, I really do enjoy what I do and the money is great. I will likely not give up sex work completely either, I don't think there will be any announcements that I am retiring, most likely I will just tone things down a bit and put myself forward for more time at my office job and pursuing my own thing (writing, cam work etc). 

I'm interested in self-publishing kindle e-books and I'm already doing actual sex work much less due to my other occupations and projects. For example, I work less than I used to in Christchurch as I love to tour (for now), but my clients know they can call me even when my ad is not up and I will make a time to see them. And when clients from places I tour to ask me to text them when I am coming to their town, I am happy to do so. 

Even when I have stopped advertising completely I think it will be highly likely that I will still be occasionally seeing clients, I really enjoy meeting people and can't ever imagine a time I will not find fucking fun, it has been a life long interest of mine.  I much prefer consciously fading out of sex work rather than having to leave suddenly and with no back up plan, or because I've burned out. 

So I think that when women make what I think is a wise decision to pragmatically incorporate sex work into their lives, one must begin with the end in mind, because there will be an end of sorts to the exciting sex work lifestyle as it is currently known. I'd recommend treating oneself to travel and education and experiences that widen ones horizons but gradually learning to live on less, at least as little as the average person ones age with ones qualifications would be able to live on. 

Also, bank everything and pay tax. No one can threaten to dob you in to the IRD then and as well as that you get to use all your money on useful things, like travel, education and house deposits (or at the other end, the lovely feeling of quickly paying off a mortgage. Rising interest rates? Who gives a fig?)

And while I'm giving advice, avoid drugs and don't drink too much, or if you do over-indulge, consider that this must come to an end one way or another, hopefully not in jail, institutions or death. So be measured about it. Too much booze and drugs age a person terribly anyway, and who wants to be old before their time. 

The life's too short attitude is stupid. One would hope that life is not short, and that we have a wonderful happy amazing adventure of it, experiencing the great thing this world, our bodies, our loved ones and our enthusiasms offer us. 

So this is nowhere near the end for me, I'm  merely changing the narrative of my life a little. Although I may be fading away from active sex work in one city, I still have a lot I want to write about men, sex, sex work, relationships, sex in film and literature, orgasms, women and sexuality. 

So please continue to watch this space

Thursday, 7 August 2014

The Joy of Sex (Toys)

One of my favourite actresses, the late Anita Morris getting off on a mini vacuum cleaner from the film Ruthless People (a must-see if only for two of the great redhead stereotypes)

The other week when a lovely client was going down on me and I was focusing on the amazing sensation, it dawned on me that it actually felt a lot like the same type of orgasm I get from one of my favourite sex toys, the famous Hitachi Magic Wand (yes, he was that good.)  For those that don't know, the Hitachi Magic Wand almost guarantees an orgasm and are the vibrator of choice as endorsed by Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross, who teach women the world over how to orgasm.  I believe that they used to and maybe still do give a Hitachi Magic Wand to every woman who pays to attend their courses to learn how to orgasm.

I once wrote a post comparing my clit pleaser to a man performing oral on me and concluded that while sex toys are good, there is nothing like the real thing.  I try not to use my sex toys too much, because I don't want to become dependent on them and I would absolutely hate it if they became the only thing that could get me off.  Sometimes we sex workers see that with young clients who watch a lot of porn and masturbate quite a lot - they can't come easily during sex, although this is not a problem if ejaculation isn't necessarily their end-goal or they don't mind ending the session with a hand job.

I of course am in the fortunate position, pardon the pun, of getting a lot of oral sex, which when done correctly, I enjoy immensely - that has to be the understatement of the year.  But the other day while I was enjoying being pampered by this particular gentleman, I considered that, with the many different sensations that feel good and get us off, is it logical that when someone is going down on us or when we are masturbating we are searching for that holy grail of familiar sensations depending on what kind of orgasm we are in the mood for (or we just gratefully accept the kind of orgasm we are given).  And when masturbating, obviously it can mimic participation by a real person, and a real person can mimic the same sensations of a familiar sex toy, when the dude happens to be amazing at it.

I have different toys I use which do different things to different parts of my anatomy.  For example, I like my Magic Wand because it is great for giving me an amazing clitoral orgasm which I can feel right down my legs, but is often too intense if I will be doing a bit of walking around shortly as my legs often feel too weak afterwards and it takes up to an hour for them to come right.  Another toy I have which is like a thin, curved penis is amazing for inserting and aiming for my g-spot when external stimulation, perhaps with my hand, of my clitoris has brought me to a certain point.  That is a different kind of orgasm again.  Some orgasms are so intense they can cause a headache.

There is a scene in the amazing film Nymphomania Part 2, which I highly recommend, where the lead character, a nymphomaniac, decides to prevent herself from having access to anything which can stimulate her sexually or turn her on.  All the sharp edges and corners in her house are covered so that she can not rub herself against them.  She goes to bed wearing great big clothes so that she can not have easy access to her body.  But then after unintentionally bringing her hand to her mouth, she sucks her fingers and begins getting off on a (sort of) hand blowjob. I also love to suck my fingers, maybe it harks back to being an infant looking for comfort (comfort being a milder form of pleasure).

Just about anything can be used as a sex toy.  I haven't tried a mini vacuum cleaner myself, but humans are infinitely inventive when it comes to things which please us.  From the simple, such as jets in spa baths (yum) to the more complicated sex toys available today, I'm sure I'm not the only one who sometimes sees things and considers the possibilities of a pleasurable response.  Maybe this is how sex toys are developed - someone is using a sex toy and thinks, wouldn't it be even more amazing if there was an extra cock for double penetration and another extra little jangly thing that could hit my clit?  There is such a job as a sex toy tester, what fun.

We all have different ways of doing things, there are techniques that have been perfected over the years by skilled people to improve almost everything, and three different people can have three completely different ways to get the same result.  For example, there are many ways to peel an apple, we all learn one way and usually keep doing it until we are perfect at it, if we care that much.  And so it is with men who know how to get women off.  The inventiveness, cleverness and instincts of men always surprise me.  I am not a sex toy tester, but I am often the recipient of the years of practice that some men have had of pleasing women.  Men have different ways of doing things, and I have to say, some dudes have their technique down pretty darn fine.

I do like sex toys, but my preference is always for the real thing. 

Friday, 1 August 2014

Why I previously chose not be discussed on an online escort forum

Now that I am advertising online in an escort directory, I am possibly exposing myself to a larger amount of men throughout New Zealand who go online specifically to find a sex worker.  I have chosen to use a particular escort advertising company because they offered me a trial which went well.

Immediately a very different type of client came into my orbit, different from my regular clients which I had met through my advertisement in the escorts column of the Press.  Out of my Press clients, already several were happy with me judging by the percentage of gentlemen who returned to me.

I am not sure if my Press clients read the escorts column every week, or if they just accidentally came across me.  Likewise, for my clients who found me through the online escort ads.  Did they just happen to be perusing the site or were they actively looking for an escort?  Either way, I am glad they found me, it's been fun.

There is also an online forum owned by the escort advertisement site I use, but to be honest, some of these gentlemen on the forum seemed a little less ... well ... gentlemanly.  I don't have a problem with people discussing sex and sex work, it is one of my favourite things to do.  But on this forum there seems to occasionally be some rather negative comments and speculation written by men (about the sex workers who provide a service) perhaps that they would never dream of saying to the faces of the sex workers in question, or even on the phone and which they could not get away with ordinarily except on this forum (maybe due to lack of moderating staff on the forum), and at times, it seems you are only safe if you belong to cliques on the forum that I know I will never really fit into. (After all, I'm a ginga - my childhood was spent amongst bullies and baby gangs, in which I did not belong).

Even though the working girls' advertising money pays for the forum, it does not necessarily feel like it is always a supportive environment for working girls, particularly the younger ones who may still be finding their way.  I'm not naive enough to think that people don't have a problem with sex workers, or hold demeaning ideas of sex workers even on a sex work forum, but in said forum paid for by sex workers advertising revenue, you'd think it could be a little more escort-supportive.  However, I gather some posters think it is too escort-supportive and they should be allowed to say whatever revealing thing they want to say about any sex worker or her body or her service.

There are discussions all the time on different topics, including reviews of some of the girls.  Some of the attitudes of SOME of these men are less than kind, often unappealing, and quite frankly, these are men who most escorts would not want anywhere near them, as they would make sex work a lot less pleasant and fun.  Some of them sound like "too much hard work" clients.  (I prefer hard play).

So imagine my relief, when it was pointed out to me that quite a few of the men who frequent the forum actively avoid sex workers on the DND list, because DND stands for Do Not Discuss.  This means that these men are not allowed to discuss the sex workers on this list.  As an advertiser, this was a perk for me to be able to go on "the DND". One of the first things I did when my sales rep called me to discuss what to do after my free trial was to ask to be put on the DND.  Among the men who frequent the forum, sex workers on the DND are frequently talked ill of, there is speculation that they have something to hide by being on the DND or are avoiding reviews because they give bad service.

It is true: ladies on the DND do have something to hide.  What they wish to hide is themselves, from those who may be trying to take away their livelihoods (as some reviewers seem to be attempting to put escorts out of business by recommending gentlemen do not go and see them).  There is a subtle supporting of this even by many sex workers who "thank" reviewers for their sometimes derogatory comments about other sex workers, as they have every right to do of course in our free country.

I know a Christchurch lady who, although not active on the forum I am told, is "well-reviewed" there yet she does not get that many bookings compared to two gorgeous ladies who have worked in the same house as I.  They are both on the DND (one has since left the industry) but I witnessed first hand both of them frequently booked up during the hours they work.

The lady I mentioned, not on the DND who is well-reviewed on the forum has great photos, is really lovely, her reviews say she is lovely, yet she is lucky to make in one whole week as much as either of the DND ladies receive in a day or two, with the returning clients of the DND girls as well, of course, as their new ones not writing one word of a review about their obviously pleasing service.  So I can't see that this forum actually influences spending decisions of the punters.  It may influence the opinions of those who hang out in the forum, but are many of them actually the ones who go back time and time again spending their money?  It seems not.

Because men on the forum advise each other not to contact ladies on the Do Not Discuss list, the DND list is where many sex workers have happily put themselves for the time being.  It seems they consider the DND their own personal virtual 10-foot barge pole.

Monday, 21 July 2014

Fake cocks in bisexual fantasies?

It's said that we are all bisexual to a degree with some being closer to the gay end of the spectrum and others being closer to the straight end but mostly we are somewhere in between. I personally identify as bisexual but as I don't have available a regular girl playmate who is also a working girl or anyone to offer a complete bi-double service with, I don't advertise bi-doubles as an option. 

On the scale with gay being at one end and straight at the other and bisexual as the intersecting part in the middle, I'm probably mostly closer to the straight end. I am definitely a man's lady and in a two-woman pairing I prefer to be the more feminine of the two, but not such a passive partner as this could imply. My very first lesbian fantasy revealed one kind of woman I am attracted to: a boyish woman, with hardly any breasts to speak of although I do enjoy broad hips on a woman. I like a short-haired woman whose hair I can run my fingers through - I hate hair with product in it on a girl. I like a woman with attitude, bad attitude that is. (Think Samantha Ronson as opposed to the sweet, blue-eyed Ellen Degeneres). My ultimate lesbian fantasy is to play with a woman like this, mutual oral would be divine and eventually to have phallic sex toys used on me (and obviously her if that's her thing too). I love a woman like this who can use a strap-on on me. Go figure. I have one client who dreams of bring present during this scenario particularly if he can indulge in anal play while I am being fucked. 

Having said that I'm attracted to slightly dangerous boyish girls though, I also love interacting sexually with cuddly, large-breasted, soft-bellied women, the real earth-mother BBW type but they have to be soft and feminine, no ball-breakers allowed in that fantasy. And I get to wear the strap-on first if we use it. Isn't it interesting what these two two-women scenarios say about me and my mental constructs of masculinity and femininity?  And that the strap-on is a must in both fantasies?

I was talking with a client the other day about his attraction to ladyboys. He likes feminine boys presenting as women, pre-op transsexuals. He says gay men do nothing for him, he needs tits on them, even though he's not a "tits-man". Like me, he is also turned on by women wearing strap-ons. The way he described it really did it for me. He wants to visit a hooker who is wearing a strap-on when she answers the door. Even better, he wants her to be wearing a strap-on under her dress which he can reach up and grab. Very erotic.  I must get a strap-on.  I'd like to be that hooker.

I'm endlessly amazed by how such diverse fantasies get our juices going - and often wonder whether it is worth looking up my kept notes from a uni paper I did to see how Jung or Freud would interpret such. Surely even the straightest of the straight have ideas which intrigue them which could be considered homo-erotic - if they can bring themselves to be honest with themselves, that is. 

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Slightly kink - English

English is not a term that is commonly used to describe caning and other parallel activities, but apparently it used to be and I feel it is quite obvious where that term came from, for anyone who prior to 1980 had any experience of English-style boarding schools, boys' boarding schools that is.

I went to a girls' one, but in attempts to create super-classes of toffee-nosed future mothers and fathers and meet the right boys and girls, we were occasionally put together with our 'brother school' (great big halls of sex-starved adolescent males waiting for us as we arrived by bus - we had been reminded before leaving of the rules and expectations and reputation of our beloved school) and occasionally in the school holidays, farming families with grand houses would allow their children to put on social events (parties in their barns, for example) and invite a select few - this is where a few of the girls from my school lost their virginities or maybe even met the boys who were to be the cause of their futures as farmers' wives. While I occasionally look back on these days with affection and keep in touch to a degree with some of my fellow old girls, these experiences are largely responsible for my lack of motivation to ever be one of the supposed upper echelons of society or to raise my family to aspire to be.

At girls' boarding schools there was no corporal punishment or even physical fighting among each other, this was really looked down upon at my school, with general ostracism and cattiness being more socially acceptable as a way to get back at each other, but according to partners I've had in the past who attended boys' boarding schools, caning was rife and in fact fondly reminisced about. Different house masters and teachers had different styles of caning and some teachers took to it more readily than others.

And so perhaps this is how fetishes for caning start. While I'm up for almost anything, some fetishes could leave a working girl legally compromised, and caning and BDSM is definitely one of them. A few months ago I got in touch with Mistress Mary from Wellington to see if she would mentor me in a related area and while it did not eventuate, she said she was pleased someone was taking it seriously as far too many ladies start this kind of work thinking it is an easy alternative to actual sex when it is not and they can then do a bit of damage.

Sometimes I get calls to try new things and I am always honest when I haven't got a clue or have never tried a thing, but more often than not, men will still be eager to use an inexperienced sex worker for these sorts of encounters. And this is how I found myself with a cane in my hand the one and only time I did it.

My client had a specific thing he wished to be punished for and in this order, punishment consisted of being spanked on his bare (of course) arse with my hand, a Mason Pearson style of hairbrush - the sort women don't use any more because they can damage your hair, a paddle which had a rather satisfying thwack noise to it and lastly, a cane. To those ladies who think this is the easy alternative to sex, it is not. The caning was particularly tiring as there is only a small area that can be safely whacked, and the cane has to be whipped through the air and onto the arse in a certain motion, not just haphazardly flung. The sound, a quick whoosh, is rather pleasing though. He seemed to enjoy himself and he brought his camera with which I photographed his sorry ass for him.

I have a friend who was a Domme for a number of years and she eventually decided to switch to sensual massage as the severity of her Domme personality was exhausting her. I gather it can be a lifestyle that could be all encompassing. It's not for every sex worker and because of this pricing is different and I believe genuine services of this nature do not involve sex.

As I am inexperienced I am not really the right person to be approached for this kind of service which is why this post is a bit sketchy. I'd recommend seeing a real Domme, who has the skills and experience to indulge those wanting to try the English fetish and other humiliation fantasies. Otherwise your humiliation could last beyond your death if it eventuated as a result of BDSM and that is not a desirable outcome for the client, his loved ones or the Domme. RIP Peter Plumley-Walker who died after being incorrectly suspended during a B&D session (but not as a result of it).

Monday, 7 July 2014

What do men like?

Johann Zoffany: (part of) The Tribuna of the Uffizi (feat. Titian: Venus of Urbino)

Here is a controversial anti-feminist - or is it? - statement by Amber O'Hara: Men are the delicious other halves of our lives - the yang to our yin, the strong to our vulnerable (supposedly) and the penises to our vaginas (if we are straight, that is).

It's the penises to our vaginas (and other orifices) that I have a particular interest in in this line of work and personally, as I have had an interest in sex and an acceptance of it from an early age. I don't consider this an unhealthy interest when I look back, but it was a private thing, I learned early that some questions or topics of conversation were apparently too perverse to raise. 

I remember at the age of 8, my best little friend (also 8) telling me that we were existing here because our fathers had put their penises into our mothers' vaginas. She was appalled as this meant her lovely gentle father had "dirtied" her mother twice as there were two children in their family. 

We then examined my family, with a great number of children and she concluded that my father was a dirty old man and my mother, well, she must be quite the dirty bitch (or words from an 8 year old to that effect). I on the other hand found it quite exciting, the thought that my parents were so dirty seemed progressive to me. 

Up until the age of about 12, when my friend's dad got a transfer for his job and they moved, my friend and I had many discussions about the nature of sex and what it could involve. She reported one morning that she had walked into her parents' room after hearing them laughing, only to find her father on top of her mother and although they had bedding covering them, she saw her mother's naked breast so assumed they had been baby-making. We counted ahead nine months to the expected delivery date. Nine months later she was still anxiously wondering why there was no sign of the baby, but I was still holding on to the thought that if they were laughing it must have been fun. 

Since then of course I have discovered that there are dozens of different things to do with penises and vaginas (as well as anuses, mouths, breasts, hands and feet) and I am in the delightful situation where I still learn every day about a new thing a dude would like to try. In my privileged position as official regular playgirl for some of the more interesting men in Christchurch and the wider South Island of New Zealand, I discover and delve deeper into new sexual pastimes, usually going a little bit further as the level of trust deepens, and disclosures are made about things that would be fun to look at further. I hold those delicious thoughts till the next visit from my temporary male other half. 

There is something to be said for return visits. I can make a mental note about preferences and turn ons, and things to be gently worked towards based on information from previous visits and fun that was had. It's not that I see myself as some kind of therapist, hells no, I'm far too selfish for that, but as I have hinted at previously, I find the connection between the mind and the penis enthralling. As well as the riddle which is the question, what do men like? 

This particular man loves to look at, kiss, lick and penetrate my pussy when my ass is in the air, ready for doggy style; this other man loves to lightly slap my breasts when I am on top riding him or lying side by side but knows that when he does it too hard, I will retaliate with sharp slaps on his divinely wobbly ass until I am happy with the sound of my hand on his flesh; this other man, after years of never being allowed blow jobs at home, is willingly learning to accept that I am not degraded when I suck, lick and adore his beautiful cock whether I am on my knees on the floor or straddling him until the urge to fuck is overwhelming and I have to make him impale me; this other man likes to make me squirt and lick it off my thighs - the first time I saw him, he made me squirt three times in an hour, from then on I've adored him as if he's a god; this other man loves my breasts swinging freely and bouncing wildly while he fucks me fast; this other man loves to kneel at the edge of my bed as if to pray, before he pulls my legs over his shoulders with my pussy up to his face and licks and gently sucks until I am deliriously coming, oh my; this other man loves to lie next to me and look into my eyes when I am so hot that my hair is stringy and wet and I'm sweaty from multiple orgasms during our long sessions, while we talk about travel, music, film or just this, that and the other thing, laughing and joking like the old friends we have become. 

The unspoken-of partnership which is each liaison in sex work is the discovery and development of sexual desires at the best of times, or it's just a fabulous fuck and release of stress. Either way, I have found that men like it. 

Monday, 30 June 2014

Slightly kink - Japanese

I don't know if it is a thing that japanese people* do - but we jokingly call sex while menstruating "Japanese", referring to the fact that a large red puddle of blood on a white sheet resembles the japanese flag.

Yes, more squemishness may be in store for you and you may even doubt this but the fact is that there is a fetish for everything: Some men like sex with a woman when she has her period. A man once told me that it feels tight, like she is a virgin, and of course there is blood which is indicative of the breaking of a hymen. During sex between two adults, it is not for us to judge what turns people on, no one is forced to participate. Apparently the Hells Angels have this thing where they get their "red wings" by going down on a woman who is bleeding. Here's hoping it is with her consent.

Many, possibly even most men, however, find periods or sexual activity when a woman is menstrating the biggest turn off ever.  I know someone who, when younger, went through boyfriends like underwear as she would break up with them if they refused to go down on her when she was bleeding, quite the insult she believed.  She's now happily married to a guy who is ok with it obviously.

There is always some debate over whether working girls should take a break from sex work during their monthly cycle.  I prefer to take a break and catch up with my book-keeping and financial stuff during this time but if I have a pre-booking, I will try to postpone it without giving the reason (which I consider personal and "too much information".)  I was once forced to disclose when I offended a treasured client as he wrongly thought I was trying to stop seeing him once and for all!

Working girls commonly wear sponges if they choose to work while they are bleeding and if an occasion arises where I am working around the time when I am expecting my period then I use a sponge too.  I wouldn't want to get a surprise (which happened to me once before).  This could be disastrous if a man faints at the sight of blood or something.

Anything can happen in a booking and we all generally go with the flow, but let's not make that the menstrual flow unless specifically asked for.

* When I recently mentioned this blog topic to a client, he said that there is actually a Japanese menstrual fetish. On googling this I discovered he was right.