Monday, 24 August 2015

Ways to do sex work - part three (being a domme)

What a mysterious world the provision of domination and fetish services is.  It may be an area you'd consider exploring if you have an interest in certain kinks.  Sometimes it's a service that occasionally sex workers branch out into when they are wanting to go beyond full service sex work for one reason or another.  However, being a dominatrix is much, much more than the odd spank with a paddle, encompassing psychological components and sometimes delving deeply into the past of a client and storming into their psyches, occasionally into a dark place.
Just about every full service sex worker I know has had the same old guys doing the rounds, calling or texting them offering to be their house slaves.  That would be fine, but they are usually very poor cleaners, and to add insult to injury, they expect to have their fantasies of being dominated and humiliated (that is, crawling around in the nude cleaning our loos) indulged for free or in exchange for "cleaning."

It sounds all very temptingly easy, but there are dangers involved with domming.  Occasionally things have got out of hand and seemingly gone beyond the control or skills of a Mistress.  A famous and tragic case in New Zealand from the late 80s resulted in a freaked out domme and her partner disposing of her almost lifeless client, finishing him off for good, after a domination session went horribly wrong.  But even much less extreme kinds of events could result in legal ramifications for the Mistress involved, for example around the issue of consent.  (Did that client really consent to being assaulted?)

So aside from offering a few domme services as a full service sex worker, which many do, how does one become a ProDomme, and how does one break into the scene?  Traditionally an older, more experienced domme would take a younger one under her wing and mentor her with her clients.  It might involve her being another sub of the older mistress for a bit.  However, with modern technology, this no longer seems to be the only way. Apparently there is quite a lot of training available online, for example on YouTube.

Why is training even important, surely anyone can restrain someone and brandish a cane successfully?  Sure, but there are certain areas that a cane must not go near, for example, on an area which could cause damage to the kidneys, and it was restraining her client incorrectly that caused the client I mentioned above to pass out, causing panic leading to the actions which resulted in his death.  Plus there is the psychological aspect of domming, the relationship dynamic between D/s, which is not something that can be learned overnight.

Popular ideas of BDSM in the media, such as the aspects of D/s in the well-known book/film, 50 Shades of Grey, have been widely discredited and mocked.  I asserted that the BDSM elements in the story were there merely to add drama and titillation to a fairly mild and predictable love story.

There also seems to be mistaken beliefs about faeces fetishes. Apparently scat is only about 2% of what dommes offer, and it is highly unlikely that a domme would ever eat anyone else's faeces, to put paid to a story a domme's former client attempted to convince me was fact.  Most dommes set clear limits to what they will and won't do.  When anal activities, penetration with dildos for example, are involved though, there will always be some kind of involvement with faeces but not direct contact, for example cleaning up after clients, as cleanliness is of the utmost importance and most certainly part of the essential training that a professional dominatrix needs.  There by no means will ALWAYS be faeces involved - dildos are popular but not always.  A dominatrix with many years experience clarified "Perhaps the perception is that it is often about that, but it is not.  BDSM is so varied and different with every client and there is a misconception about the amount of certain things that happen. It is as varied and different as we all are and is about the world of fantasy which is different and means different things to different people. BDSM embraces diversity in all its forms."

One thing I think is quite interesting about domme work is its theatrical aspects, right down to each set-piece in the dungeon, if they even have one.  And of course the work itself seems like extreme role play and also each client's experience is almost story-based.  The roles played are often the switch roles, that is, being forced to wear female lingerie, or being forced to clean for Mistress, mirroring what is expected of the female in the domestic role.  It can be about being tied up and trusting in another human to do such a thing and take all your power away.  Different sessions include crossdressing, bondage, role play often of the headmistress, the madam, the all-powerful woman, spanking and caning by the sharp hand of the beautiful domme, sensory sessions which are becoming more popular, naughty school boy, and forced behaviour in ways the Mistress sees fit, the wonderful world of fantasy and trust with another human being. Amazon sessions, smothering sessions, trampling sessions, and forced posture sessions - all are popular.

Is there a type of woman who is more suited to domming?  Does one need to be especially and naturally sadistic?  Word on the ground is that a domme need not be the sort who enjoys torturing kittens or pulling the wings off dying flies.

So you'd think the performance aspect of domming would appeal to me then.  While I once toyed with the idea for five minutes, I know I have no interest in caning, torture or punishment.  I don't believe it suits my personality (or persona, although I'm not as soft as some would think I am).  I mention this in case you were thinking of asking me to dominate you or allow you to be my slave. I don't even really like being addressed as Mistress either.  Being called "Mother Superior" on the other hand - that is something I could probably have a lot of fun with and I have also been known to be occasionally bossy.  I'm more than happy to take control and educate.  (But hardcore domming that is not.)

Thursday, 13 August 2015

Amber O'Hara's Private MILF Party

So what do I talk about over coffee with the mums next door? Sex of course and how we love lots of it. Last time I got together with my BFFs we came up with a plan.

As I'm going to be spending more time at home in Chch, we have decided to host our first ever private MILF party at my home in the heart of suburbia. It will be one Saturday evening when the kids are away.

Ever wanted to do a blonde, a brunette and a redhead? Well me and my friends want to do you too. All genuine naturally busty milfs, guaranteed over 40, for your pleasure. To keep things easy we will only allow three young or young-at-heart men at a time (MUST be over 18, ID may be required). That could be you and two mates or just come by yourself and see who else is here.

Freshly baked cookies will be available with milk in case you get a bit peckish. I will even be wearing my frilly apron with bosom overflowing when you arrive. No alcohol will be served, but feel free to bring a bottle of beer to calm your nerves if needed, since after all you will be faced with three gorgeous hot horny babes and any man will need guts to take on that challenge.

It will be $350 each to party with us for an hour, multiple shots with any of us ladies in any of the places available: your choice of two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a lounge, a kitchen table, the back seat of my car in the garage, on the stairs, in the closet, in the loo, in the shower - it's an open door policy so you can watch or join in with any of the ladies at any time, or just watch and wank. Or if you prefer to be private you can be briefly hidden away somewhere before we go back and join the party.

The ladies are me, Amber - a 50 year old busty natural redhead, office lady and mum. I'm a gentle loving mum with an insatiable sexual appetite and an appreciation for men and their sexual desires not to mention my own, so I'm happy to show you a few pointers on how to really please a lady.

For a busty brunette I have invited mature BBW SavourMe the proud owner of a pair of G cup jumbos, that's right. Her tits are enormous, I've had the pleasure of groping them myself and I can assure you those fun bags are 100% natural. You can bounce them, swing them or snuffle your face right in these heavy hangers and if you happen to be doing this while she has your cock in her mouth, a billion of your fantasies will come true all at once.

Last but not least is my bi lover, my busty blonde friend Eve, the farmer's wife country lady from rural North Canterbury. If there is a lull in proceedings because all the men are savouring SavourMe, Eve and I will be sure to be entertaining each other and welcoming everyone else to join us when they are good and ready.

By the end of the hour you will be utterly exhausted and hoping you get invited back to our next private MILF party. In the meantime you will have a lot to think about during your solitary moments.

Contact me to find out more and reserve your place on 022 074 8964.

Monday, 27 July 2015

Actresses on Mattresses

While sex workers can genuinely feel affection for some clients, there is usually an element of acting involved (as opposed to robotic and clinical sex work), whether it involves putting on a brave face when things are less than stellar in their private lives, or acting professionally pleasant when you just don't feel like it as is expected in many occupations, but also occasionally a bit of character acting. 

The phrase "actresses on mattresses" may be referring to sex workers' skills with PSE and GFE, but I like to think that one of the most fun aspects of sex work is participating in a random fantasy of someone else.

Back in the day I really enjoyed attending theatre sports, an off-the-cuff display of an actor's ability to adapt to any scenario thrown at them by the audience, in competition with other actors.  Hilarity was guaranteed to ensue as we watched the actors respond and move a key phrase or two along very cleverly.

Phone sex can be a bit like that if I'm given a fantasy to role-play and develop. I have my favourite kind of role-plays: the more outrageous the better and inappropriate is most definitely fun. I also have a couple of clients who have specific role plays they like me to participate in - one interesting role I play is as a middle-aged dowager, his mother in fact (but that's another blog post).

Sometimes clients can be so well known to a sex worker that they are as comfortable as an old shoe, which has definite advantages, but one still needs to keep sexual activity fresh and a little naughty. There is such an advantage to knowing a client well and being able to include in the role-play things that you know will push his buttons and delight him to the extreme.

In my latest short piece of erotica on Amazon kindle, Rock Star Report, a long time client is a lover of breast action so no matter how ridiculous, he is always given a chance to be titillated by my tits.
"Now you be the slutty schoolgirl trying to bribe her teacher with sexy stuff to get out of detention," he said when he came up for a breather.

I immediately dropped to my knees and grabbed his cock and rubbed the head of it in my cleavage.

"Please, Mr Jones. I didn't know I still had the gum in my mouth. I promise never to chew gum ever again in class."

"You should do up your buttons and ask your mother to buy you a blouse the next size up. And leave my cock alone, Amber. I don't want to have to tell you again. You're being a very naughty girl touching me like that. That is unacceptable. I'm going to have to spank you for that."  He sounded so cute putting on a posh accent.

"Really?" I said. "Can you please?" I jumped up and turned around, bending over and giving him my naked behind to spank, while reaching back to finger my pussy. He groaned and pulled me onto his knee. I squealed with surprise.

"After I've given you a good spanking, we can go for a ride in my car and I will buy you an ice cream - only if you're a good girl and do what you're told."  He leered at me lecherously.  I looked up at him innocently.

There is surely a special place for those prepared to take their acting a little bit further for the purpose of fulfilling a fantasy then.

In role plays for sex work, we have to think fast and on our feet, not everyone is able to master this skill.  But it's fun to bring out our inner actresses to such an extreme. Actors generally love meaty roles, and to play a woman who sticks her middle finger to society, especially sexually, whether as a professional sex worker or enthusiastic amateur is fantastic fun - to get to be the bad girl but not actually "be" it. I often think about my early days as a sex worker, right in at the deep end and wonder if that was part of the appeal, to express my bad girl-ness, to live it.  It really is a skill being bawdy and to improvise a little vaudevillian series of characters and situations.

It's a fun thing for couples to do. On Modern Family I love how Clive and Juliana get an occasional airing - so much suggestion of wacky bedroom activity to follow, I love it.  As they are acting a role within another role they are acting, their performance is expected to be a little clumsy - over-acting and camping it up is all part of the fun to empasise the expected amateur skills of the actors.  

Therefore, as a failed "actress" - who bizarrely got typecast in similar roles even with similar names when I acted as favours in friends' minor productions (ask me about it when you come and see me) - role play as a sex worker is perfect for me. I'll know I've truly made it as an actress beyond sex work when Shortland Street create a cameo for me as a sex worker whom a naughty married doctor visits for some occasional afternoon delight with my face strategically obscured or omitted like Tim Taylor's neighbour, Wilson, in Home Improvement  (or wouldn't Bro'town have been fun?)

In the meantime, I get plenty of practice being the best mate's mum who is dying for a fuck, the wife who can't get enough and wants her husband to watch her sucking another man's cock, and even a horny grandma.  Perhaps not quite the type of character New Zealand early evening television is ready to include after all.

Tuesday, 7 July 2015

What it's like to be the only one

Stephanie Hunter - Australian Escort (click on images to enlarge)

I've been in touch with a few escorts from Australia as well as one or two kiwi escorts now working over the ditch.  It seems that even though our laws are similar, that is, that penetrative oral sex must also be covered, in recent times, in Australia sex workers have begun to mostly offer unprotected oral sex (known as BBBJ*).  

My colleague Stephanie Hunter is one of the few independent Australian escorts who do not offer BBBJ and she has established herself as a high-end escort.  She is an international travel companion, escort, call girl.  But it wasn't always like this, so I asked her to provide a history of the industry in her view, to tell me her story.  I also asked her how she is so successful while not offering unprotected services, it seems she has turned her consideration of sexual health into a point of difference.

The title may be a little misleading. I am not the only one, but one of the very few, lets just say, who refuses to change. Why fix something that isn't broken?

In life, you need to learn to  crawl, before you can walk, and before you can run.  In the adult industry it is exactly the same.  In that exact same order.   I am more or less a veteran in my industry.  I began working in my early 20s initially for an escort agency.  I was so green.  I knew absolutely nothing about it.  That was my crawling stage.  I studied the ladies I worked with.  I was in awe of their abilities and worldly experience.  I soaked up their knowledge like a sponge.  I was fascinated.

I soon got tired of the escort agency and wanted to explore further.   I then explored the options of working in brothels.  That was interesting.  Back in those days, brothels like the Daily Planet were so much fun to work in.  The atmosphere is very different to today.  Back then, it was one giant party.  The women were glamorous, truly they looked like models and actually took the time to look elegant. The men were generous and fun.  It was a different era.

This was a time when ladies made a killing every night without too much effort.  There wasn't the competitive backhanded undercutting schemes employed by some of the ladies new to the industry today.  There really were unwritten rules, and somehow everyone followed them.

At that time, there were few ladies who worked privately.  Most either worked for agencies or brothels. The registration process in Victoria put a lot of ladies off from working privately. As a result, there was maybe only half a dozen that worked privately.  And we all knew each other and looked after each other.

After my stints in brothels I decided to work privately.  I did all the right things, register etc and decided private work was for me.  I wanted to be in control of what I did and when I did it.  It was naturally the next step!

I haven't looked back.

I registered my international website in 2000.  I was one of the first ladies to do that at the time.  Internet advertising was very new in Australia, but established in the US, before social media was around.

I still own it for sentimental reasons.  The domain name has been very good to me.

In that period, I managed to also take large periods of time off from the industry and actually have a life. The last big break was nearly 7 years.  When I did come back, I found the industry in shambles.

Now, there are thousands of  ladies that work privately.  They have moved away from agencies and brothels and discovered what I discovered in 2000.  There is also a big difference of how they have embraced that change.  Not all of it good, and it hasn't been refined yet in many ways.

Gone are the days where ladies actually looked out for each other.  Now we find (even illegal) services provided which were never provided in the past, in the hope of getting clients.  It smells and looks of desperation.  Although the economy has changed, there are still plenty of clients, more than enough for everyone.

In the past, a client would not even consider asking you to give him a blow job without a condom.  That was just not the done thing.  Today, it seems a great number of them consider it standard service.

There are several reasons why I would never provide a BBBJ service - the one most common service on offer in Australia at the moment, even though it's illegal.  Best reason and most important one for me is this one:  Despite wide misconceptions by many, it is taking a risk.  When a risk with your health is taken, at some point, you will bear the consequences regretfully.  Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually you will.  It's a percentage thing with russian roulette.

Most common STI contracted through BBBJ are: gonorrhea, genital herpes and syphilis.  Some of the less likely, yet still possible STIs to catch through unprotected blow jobs are: chlamydia, HIV, hepatitis A, B, C and genital warts.

It's really a no brainer when you look at these risks.  The more risks are taken, the greater the chance of contracting these nasty STIs.  Any of you can confirm these with a doctor.  I did.

There is also PSE (porn star experience), GFE (girlfriend experience), CIM (come in mouth), BBBJ and the list goes on and on.

I studied and analysed this enormous change when I first came back and made a firm unwavering decision.  A decision that has served me extremely well.  And I am so glad I did.

Some of the issues I considered were:
1. Was I prepared to put my health at risk for a quick $$? Answer: No
2. Was I prepared to be firm under pressure to do anything I was not comfortable with? Answer: Yes
3. Was I prepared for long periods of not making money as a result? Answer: Yes
4. Was I prepared for the backlash from the industry because of my views? Answer: Yes
5. Was I prepared to market myself in a different way with long term results? Answer: Yes

Initially, it was hard.  It was very, very hard.

Building your clientele base from almost scratch was harder, especially since I refused to provide an unsafe service which was/is the norm of today.  But in time, I have successfully managed to rebuild my clientele, and it is regular and comfortable.  I haven't sacrificed my belief system because of pressure from an evolving industry.

I looked at my strengths and weaknesses, and concentrated on my strengths.

I worked towards establishing long-term connections with clients.  Repeat business with like-minded individuals. I nurtured them, and concentrated on these.  When you establish a long term client relationship, the lines are blurred.  You become friends almost.  And working doesn't feel like working when seeing them.  It becomes a "date" and you can be yourself.  And they feel that too.

I have and continue to concentrate on quality clients, smaller number but quality clientele.

My age, being a more mature lady, has also played a great role in getting better clients.  As a result, majority of my appointments are dinners and lunches.  Because business men, mature gents, do not want to go out to lunch with a twenty-something lady.  Mainly because it looks odd and conversation doesn't flow as easily as someone more worldly and older. It's just a fact, not a judgement.

In summary, I don't mind being one of the few ladies in Australia that does not offer BBBJ*, Anal, PSE* or CIM*.  I actually love that.  I offer something that can't be replicated and easily acquired by the masses.  And my regular clientele know what that is and must be of value, otherwise, I wouldn't have a clientele base and still be in demand.

In case you were unable to keep track:
* BBBJ - bare back blowjob or oral sex without a condom
* PSE - porn star experience
* CIM - come in mouth

Tuesday, 23 June 2015


Everyday I write the book by Elvis Costello

I once met a music industry dude who I enjoyed discussing the art of playlists with.  I boldly asked him to compile a mix tape for me off the top of his head based on what he knew of me.  Second on his playlist was one of my favourites, Everyday I Write The Book by Elvis Costello and the Attractions.  Nice choice.

I have always loved words, the sound of them, the meaning.  I was talking about this with a young relative who said they hated the word moist.  It's so drippy.  I like that about it though, it feels warm and possibly a bit dirty.  We both agreed the word cherish is beautiful: the sound of it with the ch and the sh at the ends, and the meaning of encompassing care and affection.

Imagine a group of genteel Christian ladies enjoying their afternoon tea at the house of one of them, only to hear a little red haired girl chanting some newly acquired vocabulary as she jumped on a bed in a next door room.  "Shit!"  "Damn!"  "Shit!"  "Damn!"  "Shit!"  "Damn!"  Obviously the meanings were unknown to the child, but she definitely knew that the use of such words was forbidden and they certainly earned a hasty reaction.

I can't remember a time I haven't written or enjoyed words, or writing about sex.  It has got me in for trouble at times.  In primary school, we made our stories into booklets and they were hung around the class - being so prolific, mine dominated the walls.  My first attempt at the genre of erotica was intercepted by my Form 2 teacher, who confiscated it and made me retrieve it from the staffroom a few days later.  I hope they enjoyed it.  It wasn't bad, but was mainly limited to masturbation, voyeurism and breast play in its content, due to my limited life experience.  A few years later, I wrote to a boy who I exchanged letters with (which is what people were in the habit of doing as there was no such thing as email, facebook or texting).  In the letter I described an intimate encounter we had enjoyed in my distinctive schoolgirl handwriting.  This letter was found by his mother.  Oh dear.  Writing things down was not always a good thing.

I still love dirty words, words so filthy they could harbour bacteria.  I write this blog about sex work.  I sext with clients (I offer it as part of my phone sex service).  But I also inoffensively flirt with strangers.  A few words delivered in a certain way can say a lot.  If you doubt me, consider the delivery of the song, I'll Take Care of You, by two different artists.  Etta James' version is full of intimate promise, she's sensuous.  Gil Scott-Heron's version is about protection, he's bruised.

There is usually a tumble of words in my head, like everyone, they are called thoughts, our own personal commentary of life.  Because my life is so concerned right now with sex, because I have so much of it, at least more than the average woman my age, due to my occupation as a sex worker, I enjoy many delicious thoughts consisting of words about sex.  I like to stay present in my body during intimacy and describe each sensation to myself, sometimes recalling the phrases later, and tying each feeling in with each word.  I love to give words real meaning in this way.  Not just while cavorting naked, whereever I am, I am naturally observant, always defining what I see, giving it to myself.

There are another couple of things I enjoy writing about, including one which is related to a university qualification I have and another is erotica, poles apart from the first.  I write under noms de plume, for privacy, but also because each of the names I write with produce different work.  I do not claim that what I write is high-brow literature, it's open to ridicule.  Do I care?  Not about this.  I write with a half-smile at all times.  I am smiling because I enjoy it, because it's a little subversive and because I still delight in being so darn naughty.  I've never stopped being that troublesome girl.  Let the alarmable be alarmed.  Let the critical critique.  I'll keep writing.

Many sex workers and ex-sex workers write autobiographically about sex work nowadays.  It's good for us, it is good for readers, to demystify our work.  I was surprised when I was researching images about some of the places I wrote about in my ship girl post that there was no material about it online anywhere.  In my opinion, this is important historical information.

Then I read a piece on the Wellington sex industry of old in Fishhead, saying that ship girls did not receive money, they just went on to ships to party.  It is not true in all cases.  We ship girls who slept with Japanese seamen most definitely received money, in fact it was very well organised - right down to the set amount to be charged - considering we did not have middle men to tell us how to do things and look after us.  The story in the magazine was half-true though as the ladies who went on boats with Caucasians did not receive payment, those ship molls were not actually prostitutes.  I found this out for myself when I went on a Russian ship one day.  I did have a nice time, but not a cent was earned that night.  Sex workers writing down their experiences dispels myths.  And it's good for us to straighten out our thoughts about what we are doing and have done.

If you are familiar with Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way, which I recommend every sort of artist keep a copy of, she prescribes three pages of longhand writing every morning to keep ones creativity lubricated, first thing, on awakening.  I love to do this myself.  Morning is my favourite time to write.  I write a lot, especially in the very early morning before work when the city is quiet, until it begins to buzz awake.  Other writer friends of mine use voice recorders so that phrases they like do not escape, but I keep a little Moleskine with me at all times.  Even when I am out walking, I will stop and write something that comes to mind.

So how do I write?  I start with one thought then spill it all out in one go.  This technique is known as free writing.  It is useful even for university assignments - I was mostly a straight A student - but it is an especially fun way to write erotic stories.  I write with no judgment whatsoever, I just get it all down.  I then go back and edit and delete.  Sometimes I choose to use the same phrases throughout a story just because I like the sound of them.  For example, my favourite words for genitals are cock and pussy, if you haven't noticed.  I like them for their actual meanings, and that literally a cock: proud, angular, with a spiky beak, and pussy: soft cuddly, fluffy but with scratchy claws do not work in actuality together, but are a perfect colloquial fit in heterosexual sex, in my opinion.  I like that they are so 1970s corny porn-ish.  I just love a cock and a pussy.  Another phrase I love is soft and wet.  Soft, wet.  I use those words a lot, in that order.  Here are some more I find quite evocative:  Rock hard.  Throb.  Juicy.  Moist.  Twitch.

If you find what I write a bit much, feel free to skip it.  Otherwise, the future may hold something of interest for you.  Read on.

Monday, 15 June 2015

Is your heart safe?

Can sex work involve real affection or is one or both parties just being played?

I don't consider whatever feelings I've ever had or that have ever been declared to me during sex work 'true love', whatever the fuck that is, but I think the euphoria is a blissful experience to be enjoyed while it lasts, made from the chemistry of two people who initially hit it off in the boudoir, and it can grow over time into a friendship.  Clients are not really seen by sex workers nowadays as cardboard cutout clients as a whole, and I personally love getting to know them as the individuals they are with their quirks, kinks and sense of humour as we relax into each other's company.  I feel a great deal of fondness for most of the clients which I have a beautiful connection with and often the sentiment is returned.  I enjoy it, I think it's quite natural and I don't have a problem with it.  I'm pretty fickle though, if I get the slightest hint that I am being played, that sweet feeling can instantly dissolve.  I consider the suggestion of freebies, (after all I still need to make a living, bills to pay etc), the first sign of this, or asking for favours such as not using protection or whatever.

Some would consider that a sex worker actually feeling affection towards her clients is unprofessional, but sex workers have a right to enjoy their work and one way to do this is to find your clients likable, enjoy their company and naturally in sex work, their sexual desires.  In fact, unless you approach sex work completely robotically ("clinically") it is difficult not to.  If you look for the good in people, you will usually find it.  It's no more inappropriate to like ones clients, to a point, as a sex worker, than it is for a counsellor to like his or her clients, or a child care worker to genuinely care for the children in his or her care - in fact for anyone in business to care about and like their clients and want to serve them the best way they can.  Obviously these are parallel occupational comparisons, I am not saying that sex workers' clients necessarily need to have someone to talk to, or to be infantilised, unless that is a particular kink of theirs of course.

I have also heard a couple of clients tell me stories of sex workers they have become attached to over time - everything is rosy, fine and dandy, and then the sex worker will hit a crisis in her life, like a relative will get a health condition and a car will be needed or something like that.  I've never actually known anyone who has hit up a client for financial help, but when I've been told about clients who have helped ladies with "loans", or been asked to, unsurprisingly it has not worked out well.  I do feel that was a bad move, but I was regularly told as a child by a wise elderly lady: "never a lender or a borrower be" so I would be unlikely to do it.  It must be really disappointing for a client who thinks they have a nice friend in this understanding, loving sex worker, then she hints she needs some dosh, out of the kindness of his heart he offers to lend it to her, never to be repaid - just to think how I'd feel gives me a sinking feeling - it must hurt.  However generally speaking there is no real reason sex workers and clients can't form honest and affectionate ongoing "friendships," as defined by themselves, including ones which are mutually beneficial.

When I was a young bimbo, (and my god! What a bimbo I was) I was totally awestruck/lovestruck by a beautiful gay man, without knowing he was gay initially, who was part of an intimidating circle of talented young artists, writers and actors that I happened upon the edge of.  They were all brimming with good looks, style and amazingness (they still are) and I felt way out of my comfort zone, not to mention my league.  Having been a red-haired dork girl during my childhood, albeit a pretty one, I was unaccustomed to the ways of the cool kids.  He and his friends were all so sweet to me despite the fact that I clearly wasn't his sort and he could have been a total humiliating ass to me as my vulnerable heart dangled on a string before him, just for the laugh of it, but he was far too high-minded for that and we became great friends.  I always look back at how graciously he treated my unrequited love and have vowed that should the boot ever be on the other foot, that I would handle the situation with as much magnanimity.

In contrast to the lovely group of people as described above, I also used to know some crims back in the day who actually used to say "kindness is a weakness" and look for any opportunity to rip someone off.  I witnessed people being kind enough to welcome them into their houses, where the robbers would be looking around at valuable belongings and casing for weaknesses in the property's security, in case they decided to come back later and break into the place, that is actually how their thought processes worked and what their conversations would consist of, not that they trusted even each other as far as they could kick them to not rip each other off should they participate in any criminal arrangements together anyway.  I think people who misuse the affection other people feel for them are no better really.  I have no place for people like that in my life, sex workers who do it, or clients either.  My feelings for the moment are genuine, and I would be insulted if anyone was to suggest otherwise, likewise, inspired by my gay friend who I mentioned above, anyone professing such feelings would be treated with the same gentleness and kindness, which I would want to be treated with until the feeling ran its course, as it eventually does.  The feelings do not really have real or permanent intentions behind them in a transactional interaction, but they are there as an expression of enjoyment as much as anything.

I don't see the modern sex worker as just a purveyor of sexual services, but for some clients she is a multi-layered and reliable comfort, like a loving and caring sexual dance partner for now in this part of someone's life.  (That is, if they want it and if they connect.  It's not compulsory either.)

Tuesday, 2 June 2015

Me as Mrs Jones, a MILF

MILF, Ms O'Hara, has a thing going on with a number of young and young-at-heart men

My non-Amber, slightly frumpy, mother-next-door self lives a double life as an insatiable MILF and this little secret injects a huge amount of spice into my life.

As Amber, I am ready in my boudoir wearing tiny corsets, stockings and sometimes long leopard-patterned fuck me boots with dangerously high heels.  Sometimes I wear a faux fur coat, which I am happy to urgently remove, revealing my delicate smalls.  I love to look through my wardrobe and choose from my lingerie, stockings and little dresses.  I have my favourites: fishnet thigh-highs are pleasing to run my hands over, as well as symbolic of bad girls, and anything black and lacy is elegant yet racy, perfect for my mood.

I love my shoes to be blingy and slutty, and I adore boots, especially over-the-knee ones which, showing just a small slice of a slender thigh, can't be anything but tantalising while even slightly practical with winter approaching.  I was just saying to a friend, as we were driving past street-based sex workers, that they could wear leg-warmers under their long boots and be perfectly warm.  Who knows, maybe they do?  However, in my closet, my collection of garments are chosen to be shed after only the briefest of moments, and practical knitted items do not feature.

Once alone together, due the exigent tasks ahead, including but not limited to fucking, I am soon parting my pale thighs to welcome the man-of-the-hour into my private world, where anything could happen, but whatever it is, it will most certainly be pleasurable with my tender guidance.

The thing about horny men which I love is their pressing desire for a woman.  Yes, I do love to take my time, encouraging a man to indulge and be indulged, but sometime that needs to be put aside for round two due to the insistence by ones loins for an immediate result.

And at the end of that never-long-enough time, we bid goodbye with flushed faces and a modest kiss ... until next time or maybe never again, just a fond memory.

It's so much fun to have a dirty secret, or to be someone's dirty secret.  I could pass my clients in the street and I probably wouldn't be noticed, or maybe a whiff of my perfume or an unintentional glimpse of my pearlescent decolletage would trigger a flashback of our encounter.  For while in my other life, my gentle self is more ordinary and practical, the same goes for my bedroom heroes - the men whose day-to-day existence includes achieving goals and meeting obligations.

A little escapism (mostly) never does anyone any harm.

Friday, 22 May 2015


Poor is the man*
Whose pleasures depend
On the permission of another
From Justify My Love by Madonna © 2006 WMG

Pleasure, according to a book I have been reading about women and aging, is something women deny themselves far more than is good for us.  Apparently there is something that is released in our bodies called Nitric Oxide (which is different from Nitrous Oxide, "laughing gas") when we laugh, orgasm, are in the flow of something we enjoy etc.  This quality, nitric oxide, is healing and anti-aging.

We women are apparently so busy doing good deeds for others that we neglect our own needs.  I don't think this is as common in my generation as it was in previous generations - my contemporaries are good with allowing themselves things which are pleasurable: an extra chocolate biscuit, new pair of shoes, or at the other end of the scale, nice car, boob job or impulse trip to the Pacific Islands.  Having said that though, there is also pleasure to be had in causing pleasure for others.  Maybe that is a motivating factor in altruism.

I was recently talking about pleasure in relationship sex (as opposed to sex as an escort) with an escort friend of mine, who happens to be part of a loving relationship, and she told me that in the past she would forego orgasms from her partner's efforts for a number of reasons, including it was taking too long and it was too difficult to correct his erroneous touching or licking, she'd grown bored or tired, and the moment had passed so he may as well have his orgasm and she would do without.  Almost altruistic, like giving away the bigger piece of pie.  Fortunately she has come to a place with her new lover where she is open to teaching what is right for her particular body and their pleasure is usually mutual.

Escort sex of course is a different ball game as the escort is paid to provide pleasure for the client, so escorts do not necessarily expect any for themselves.  Providing pleasure can sometimes mean that we get to cater to a variety of different tastes and kinks, which is an interesting kind of altruistic pleasure for an escort in itself.  In addition to that, most men enjoy oral sex on them, and sometimes providing pleasure to their sexual partner, even if, in this case, she is an escort.  

Back in the day escorts weren't expected to be allowed actual pleasure of their own and many choose to deny themselves pleasure which took time to reach, faking it for similar reasons I've touched on above.  However, among the escorts I discuss sex work with, there seems to be a new kind of liberation, and a decision to allow ourselves this unique kind of job satisfaction - who knows, maybe it's just because we can relax more now that it's legal.  Of course there are cynics who accuse those who enjoy sex work of "pretending to be nymphos," but the range of pleasure available in sex work is surely a continuum anyway.  Whether it is the pleasure of taking in the visual feast of a fine specimen of a naked man laid out before us, or allowing oral on us with encouragement and subtle teaching to suit our needs.

Sexual pleasure included on the days we work is surely one of the perks of the job.  Sadly not everyone is lucky enough to have a string of delicious men arriving to please them, or even a single one in their private life.  In which case, there is of course the type of pleasure we can do on our own.

* The above quote of course is equally applicable to women, so the image, while mainly depicting a man experiencing pleasure, includes the stockinged thigh of a woman, the implication being obvious.

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Touring Roundup

The Canterbury Plains from the air

I have recently completed a wee bit of touring and I thought I would post a few thoughts here.

A number of you read my post where I mentioned an incident at a motel, and attention was brought to other incidents where touring working girls had left without paying or had been having problems.  I have since been speaking to a number of moteliers and heard that this is disappointingly commonplace among working girls.  It's a disgrace is all I can say.  The ultimate in cheapskateness - revolting.  Even our fabulous working girl-friendly motelier in Dunedin is allowing fewer working girls to use his accommodation because of the number of WGs, who use designated rooms with discreet access, who have done a runner without paying.

I myself had something quite embarrassing happen at a place I have worked from several times with great parking and private access for clients but where I had never actually disclosed I was "working" - I thought they may be aware but turning a blind eye as previously I had requested extra towels without a problem.  This particular time I asked the housekeeping for extra towels and the woman, around my age, said "you have already had five extra towels and I won't be giving you any more."  I said I was quite happy to pay for them, but she got up from where she was making the bed and came over to me and loudly said, "you've also had a lot of visitors."  "Is that a problem?" I enquired.  She replied, "are you a working girl?"  "Is that a problem?" I repeated.  "I will have to check with my General Manager," she replied rather threateningly.

This conversation happened in front of all the house keeping staff and it took all I had to turn and walk back to my room with my head held high.  She must have been on the phone to the GM immediately, because she came fairly quickly to my room with 5 extra towels and said the general manager did not have a problem with me being here, but to let her know in advance if I needed more towels as they would have to order them in.  However, the fact that she had been observing comings and goings and judging left me feeling rather soiled.  Thank god for an open-minded general manager, who would have checked and seen that I have paid for at least 14 nights there in the past without an issue.  At least after that, housekeeping kept a low profile and gave me towels without question.

It also made me feel a new appreciation for moteliers who, without a fuss, let us work from their establishments.  In any business, we need our suppliers to like us, so we need to pay them and do the right thing by them.  For example, an ice cream business is not going to get on very well if they don't pay the ice cream cone suppliers as they will stop supplying them cones and if word spreads around the other cone suppliers that they do not pay their bills, the other suppliers will also not sell them cones.  They may switch to serving icecreams in paper cups (which would probably cost more than cones) but again, if they don't pay for them, that supply will also soon also dry up.  So it is with moteliers and other working girl accommodation - they facilitate what we do, without them, we will all be doing outcalls or working from the streets, where there are increased dangers.

On my travels, I have also met quite a few twitter, facebook and forum members and it is always a pleasure to put a face (etc) to the name.  I have never had any problem with anyone from these networks asking for illegal or "special" services, unless they are the same ones that still text or call asking for this, although none of those texters have had the audacity to let me know that we are connected online in this way in order to get special treatment or imply they will review me negatively if not given it, as I have heard others have attempted to do.  Thankfully the ones from these online communities I have met are far too classy for those kind of dodgy goings on and really the try-it-ons among these punters who belong to the said networks should know better, as there is always talk on forums etc about which services are illegal as well as etiquette and kind advice around using escort services. Recently a few working girls asserted their opinions on a forum at this kind of almost standover tactic, when an attempt to do so was called out by a brave newcomer.

To be fair though, so far, I have found all these people from facebook, twitter or forums that I've met turned out to be real sweethearts, including the other ladies, and other clients who I have not had bookings with but met socially.  What do we talk about?  Well, twitter, facebook, and forums of course: the crazy, the sweet, the hot and the funny tweets and threads and participants.

A couple of gentlemen sent some nice accounts of our intimate time together in the form of reviews for my website, which can be an erotic trip down memory lane for me, since I know the details of our encounters. However, just in case I'm getting a bit too big for my britches with all this lovely attention from men in my boudoir and the occasional comment about my youthful countenance, some humourous things happened on this tour to bring me back to earth. For example, a man called and, on ascertaining I was a 50 year old who charges $200 for an hour, replied that I was "dreaming" and that he "wouldn't root a sheep for $200", implying a sheep would be preferable to a 50 year old escort.  I was not at all offended though and maybe you had to be there and have heard it for yourself, as the mental image of this gruff-voiced man attempting to pay a sheep $200 to shag him caused me to roll on the bed laughing (notwithstanding sympathy for the poor sheep, of course) whenever it came to mind over the evening.

Another young man, whose location and nationality will remain secret, came and saw me and asked me if he could call me grandma while we fucked. (Of course I let him.  I love indulging clients' fantasies and kinks.)  I'm not quite ready to go from advertising as a MILF to GILF but I thought it was quite fun all the same.  Maybe I do seem pretty ancient, where's that face cream?  Actually, despite him requesting that, which some ladies could have considered an insult, our time together was especially steaming-up-the-windows hot.  I also loved him snuggling into my tender, matronly bosom when it was over.  Vive la sexwork!

Even though, due to other commitments at home, I can now no longer tour for more than 2 or 3 days at a time, I still intend to explore the country.  I am now home in Christchurch until mid-June, perhaps with the occasional day trip to nearby places such as Timaru and Ashburton once appropriate working girl-friendly accommodation is found which I can confidently return to without issue (and maybe even a night or two in Nelson, which I missed this trip).  I am happy to bring my own towels as I will be likely travelling in my own vehicle so if you would like to host me in small, nearby towns, please get in touch.  Meanwhile, my clients in Christchurch know that when I am back, even if not currently advertising, I will always fit them in if they wish to come up and see me.  Bookings in advance are always honoured.

I went to Blenheim, Wellington, Palmerston North and Queenstown and got treated like a lady by everyone who visited me.  Thanks so much for your support of myself and other touring girls.  We go to a bit of trouble to come to your towns and your booking us and treating us well will bring us back again.  So on that note, please keep checking my touring page if you would like to know when planned tours to your area get confirmed and I look forward to seeing you again then.

Friday, 24 April 2015

Ways to do sex work - part two (touring)

Beautiful Kaikoura on the east coast of the South Island, view from the beach during a brief train stop

Touring sex workers are a not-so-modern phenomenon but since the Prostitution Reform Act (2003) in New Zealand we are able to tour and sell our services in a much more organised manner.

I personally love to tour: I love to explore my beautiful country, in which I was fortunate to be born and therefore have free range of within the law and can come and go from as I please. I also like to meet men in different parts of the country, in their own environment, and love to discuss their local situation and gather tidbits about certain predominant industries within the various regions I visit, a great way to increase my general knowledge and have first hand information when related news items are published.

And while you can't really lump a group of people together by race or region, I do notice similarities with men from the same area, probably coincidental, but maybe not: The laid-back, slightly romantic lads from the South Island's West Coast as a whole are vastly different from the oxymoronically laid-back dudes with precise requests in Palmerston North; Wellingtonians have similarities to Dunedinites in their effortless coolness (and their houses and geography are even similar) and fabulous organisation skills - in both of these places I'm normally pre-booked for most of the first day before I even arrive; the gents from Invercargill have their own unique kinks and are quite different with their telephone use from those who have set up their lives temporarily or permanently in gorgeous places like Blenheim or Queenstown, which, possibly like the lives of the inhabitants, are a bit unpredictable and last-minute.

Do I have a favourite place to visit?  Yes, and the ones I do not prefer, I do not visit again, with the exception of Invercargill and Greymouth, where I adore the men, but the length of time and effort I need to make to get there (yes, I've got lazy) make it unlikely I would visit again, unless I had a pre-paid, multiple hour pre-booking or two, then I would be in either of these places in a flash.

And I just hinted at why some sex workers choose not to tour - because it can be expensive, exhausting and there are no guarantees.  As well as that, there are other issues, such as finding accommodation - there are no comforts like those you have set up at home.  I always miss my own boudoir, with everything in its place, and my nice shower with a removal shower head for play and practicality.

But I get an itch to explore my little corner of the world and have pretty much worked out effective packing strategies (my packing list system should be patented), advertising strategies as well as strategies for deciding where to go and when.  For example, when there is a local event (food or wine or music festival or some kind of sporting event) advice is often given to tour to the town at that time as it will be full of potential clients.  Wrong.  Accommodation will be scarce and all the locals and visitors will be busy at the event and spending their money there as well.  Either go the day before it starts, when early visitors may be at a loss for things to do after settling in, or the locals have set everything up and now have some built-up tension of the sexual kind to deal with to prevent them giving every event-attendee the lecherous glad eye due to extreme horniness, or even better, the day or two afterwards, when the visitors have gone and the locals have money to spend on their pleasure after working hard at the event, oh, and again there may be the sexual tension factor which needs to be dealt with, if they have been too busy to get some intimacy elsewhere.

Unfortunately, not everyone is welcoming when sex workers come calling and this is why I'm offering some guidelines* to the novice touring sex worker.  There have been a couple of unintentional near-disasters recently which have now resulted in a previously working girl-friendly accommodation option to be lost.

So what to do when a town does not have known working girl friendly accommodation?

Sometimes when ladies do not have motels to stay at where they can be open about being a sex worker, they stay there sneakily anyway and have to hope that the motelier does not become suspicious with all the male visitors and kick the sex worker out. After the effort and expense it takes to get to a town, this would not be fun.

Alternatively, you can book by phone and be upfront about being a working girl, but more often than not, moteliers have heard horror stories about touring working girls and would be reluctant to allow you to work from their premises.

This is why it's really important to do the right thing by our accommodation providers, whether they are rooms let to you in houses with other independent working girls or motels who are ok with what you do. To keep on their good side, please consider these suggestions.

A huge advantage with renting a room in a house or motel that is working girl-friendly is that they will provide the sheets and towels which are an extra bulk to carry around and try to get laundered otherwise. If the accommodation provider doesn't launder the linen, eg in a private house, please allow time in between clients to keep on top of the laundry as no one has an infinite supply of linen and clients need fresh towels and sheets. This will save you embarrassment later in the day when you could run out of supplies.

Don't look the part. Don't arrive or leave in your work clothes, don't sit outside (yes, it's been done) and don't go to a visible-to-the-neighbours washing line or back yard area in your lingerie or work clothes or advertise by your appearance what you do. The motelier may know you're a working girl but they will not want the neighbours or other guests to know as this could lose them their good reputation and business. It is also an indiscretion that is unfair to visiting clients, who want it to be as unnoticeable as possible that they are visiting a sex worker.

Don't give out the address to every caller until they have made a firm booking, and make sure the directions are clear so clients don't knock on the doors of the  neighbours. Some sex workers give out the address in two parts, first directions to the area, then when they are there, they can text to get the room number or house number. When the second text has been sent, it gives the sex worker time to put on her shoes and wait near the door.  It is also a security measure. If clients do not turn up when they only have directions, it means they are disorganised or have had a change of heart - the standard "no show" - annoying, but no need to freak out as they do not know exactly where you are. However, if they don't turn up when they finally get the specific address, they were not intending to be there in the first place but they now have your address which is not ideal.  Working girls do not feel safe when men pretending to be clients, who turn out not to be, know where they are working from. Different ladies deal with this situation in different ways.

So a preventative measure out of respect for the non-touring ladies who work from the accommodation you are staying at is to not give out the address willy-nilly to every caller who says they might come and see you until the booking is well and truly confirmed, preferably with at least one phone call to weed out schoolboy pranksters, and then give only general directions before giving out the full address.

Allow 15 to 30 minutes at least between bookings so that clients don't bump into each other and to give you time to put the room and your appearance back in order (and take care of any laundry).  As touring ladies this small gap in visitors could also prevent neighbouring occupants from noticing that there are so many visitors.  Also be ready to answer the door as soon as the doorbell rings - it is not a good look for the neighbours to see a series of men waiting at the door nervously.  Bring your clients inside as soon as possible, hiding behind the door when you open it to let them in or show them out, so passersby do not see you in your work clothes.  Never leave clients waiting outside after they have rung the doorbell while you put on your shoes and fix up your make up.

Don't tell any non-client locals that the motel or house is being used by you as a sex worker. Even if the house has been a well-established brothel, and some people in the neighbourhood know about it, the ones that don't know don't need to know. They could be the trouble makers who disapprove of sex work and try to get the house shut down, ruining it for future touring sex workers, not to mention the ladies whose livelihood depends on having local accommodation available. You might think it's cool to be a sex worker, not everyone else does. Likewise, many moteliers are family people and do not want to be seen to condone sex work within their communities. Consider those who will remain (because they live here) after you've gone: be as private as possible so that local people don't gossip.

Don't court trouble. If you have troublesome acquaintances such as druggie friends, dubious boyfriends or party-loving mates or anyone who will be disruptive or noisy in the neighbourhood, use common sense and don't let them come into your working accommodation. This is not the time for partying - you are here to work. Their presence could cause an upset which could result in other professional sex workers being tarred with the trainwreck brush as well.

And speaking of drugs and excessive alcohol consumption, I make no secret of the fact that I haven't lived like a saint, so am in no position to be holier than thou.  However, my advice would be that if you are not ready to lay off or give up using completely, don't tour and take your crap to innocent communities.  Yes, I am in no position to judge anyone based on their weaknesses or difficult situations, and to an extent I believe in live and let live, we are all on our own walks through life and have a right to hold on to our own stories as we see fit and to sort them out and redesign our lives in our own time.  However, if it affects other sex workers and our reputation as a whole, expect to be called out on it.

This is one situation where I can easily see the wood and the trees, having been there and done that, and been part of all the bullshit.  Stay home until you can sort yourself out - this will take some time.  Sex workers are a community of loving and caring people who are happy to help others, but don't stretch their sympathy by taking them for fools.  Get honest, at least with yourself, and you will be amazed by the love and understanding you will receive.  (But that's another blog post.)

Touring sex workers coming in to towns where sex work is not ordinarily apparent are "ambassadors" of sorts for the whole industry so don't ruin it for the rest of us and allow largely false stereotypes to abound by having dramatic incidents while on tour.  Fortunately if a salesman was staying at a motel and something happens and the police become involved, all other salesmen would not be considered likely to behave that way. Unfortunately people do not hold sex workers in as high regard (that's saying something) and it is likely that from then on sex workers would be seen as too much hassle at best and downright dangerous at worst and would no longer have the opportunity to work from there.

Don't talk about your services on the phone outside where others can hear. If you smoke outside and your phone rings, put out your cigarette and go inside, shutting the door on the way in, to take the call. If you are swearing or talking about sex or sex work services on the phone or to anyone outside or as people arrive or leave, it's just not cool and the wrong passers-by could overhear more information than is good for them.  This could include children walking past and within earshot.

Don't smoke inside. Be respectful of property. Point out any accidental damage and offer to pay before you leave. I know of a touring lady whose client had the misfortune of breaking part of a bed and she passed on money he had left towards its repair. Impressive.

Give back locally, spend a little. I know we tour to make money, but the money you are being paid could otherwise be supporting local businesses. It's a nice gesture to buy locally while you are there to help their economy.

And on the subject of spending, pay for your accommodation as soon as you can. Do I need to add "don't steal"?  It seems I do, as I've heard reports of sex workers leaving without paying their motelier, which of course is stealing. We wouldn't want our clients to do that to us, so let's not do that to others.

Touring can be lots of fun, especially when we have great accommodation providers. Let's resolve to always do the right thing by them.

* While this post seems largely negative and admonitory, I am presently writing a short ebook which is a more comprehensive touring guidebook for sex workers.